If you act, think, and talk like a loser, what do you think you’re going to be?

Probably a loser.

Now when I say loser, I’m not referring to teams or players that end up on the losing side of a competition, game, or tournament. I’m talking about people who never reach their full potential because they rather make excuses than work hard. They have a loser mentality and constantly use loser language. They’re typically hard to help and/or coach because, the truth is, they don’t really want help and don’t really want to be coached!  I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried to help someone who didn’t want to help themselves.  It just doesn’t work.

With that said…

It’s tough to be a “winner” when you spend all your time and energy acting, thinking, and talking like a loser.

If you want to experience increased softball success, here are a two things you must do…

Lose the Loser Language
You can’t think or talk like a loser and expect success.  So it’s time to start eliminating your loser language.  These include words and phrases likes the ones below (I can’t, I don’t, But,):

• I can’t do that…
• But I don’t know how to…
• I don’t know if I can…
• That’s too hard…
• Only bigger/faster/stronger players can so that…
• But that’s not how I do it…
• But that feels weird…
• But I never…
• I could do that if…
• I don’t have time…
• I’m too busy…
• It’s not my fault…
• If I had more ______ then I could/would be able to _______ too

Stop Doing What Losers Do
You can’t act like a loser and expect success. It’s time to suck it up and stop:

• Making excuses
• Getting defensive when others offer suggestions
• Looking for other things or people to blame for your failures
• Looking for the easiest way out of having to deal with problems vs finding the best way to work through/solve/overcome that problem
• Waiting for others to tell you what to do or solve your problems for you vs taking responsibility for your own performance
• Focusing on the obstacles, problems, and reasons why you “can’t”
• Allowing circumstances around you dictate your confidence level and how you perform
• Worrying about things you can’t control
• Failing to take control of the things you can control

If you truly want to increase your softball success, you must first change your mindset!

If you did, that’s okay. That’s what most people do. While I hope you’re not trying to be like most people (aka ordinary or average), the important thing is not when you start but that you DO get started!

That said, the first day of the year has come and gone. Did you DO anything to move yourself closer to your goals?

I know I did!

Think about it right now. What one thing can you do today that will get you moving in the right direction? It doesn’t have to be something big. Baby steps work!

Choose one thing and commit to getting it done today!

If you feel like sharing, please leave a comment and tell me what your one thing is. I’d love to hear from you.

I never understood why athletes get dismissed from job opportunities because they have “no work experience.”  I didn’t have a “real job” where I filled out tax forms and all that until after I was done playing softball.  Many employers seemed to look down on me because I had no “work experience” even though I had over a decade of experience in athletics.  Each time I got that vibe from an employer, the same thing ran through my mind, “I probably have more of the qualities that make a good employee than some of the candidates on your list that DO have a little part-time work experience under their belt, but have never played sports in their lives.”

Turns out I was right.  My employers often expressed how impressed they were with the kind of employee I was even though I hadn’t been in the workforce long.  I strongly believe the qualities that make me a good employee came from and were solidified by the training in my softball playing years.  Turns out, you really do learn valuable life lessons in sports!

Here are 10 Things Good Softball Players and Good Employees Have in Common

1. They know how to work well with others.
2. They don’t care if something is “not my job” if it has to be done, they find a way to help get it done!
3. They are the kind of person that others WANT to work with.
4. They understand the concept of working toward a common goal.
5. They know how to overcome adversity.  They don’t just give up all hope each time a challenge or obstacle comes up.
6. They take responsibility for their own performance instead of waiting for someone to make them strive for excellence.
7. They are capable of thinking on their feet and handle unexpected issues.  They don’t wait for someone to baby sit them through their every move.
8. They typically arrive early, not just “on time,” and are very rarely, if ever, late.  If they are going to be late, they conscientiously make sure their superior knows what’s going on before they were expected to arrive.
9. They diligently work on their craft and their effort is second to none.
10. They have a positive, can-do attitude!

What do you think?  Agree or disagree?

I think we can probably add even more to this list!  If you have suggestions, please leave a comment with your ideas below. 

Why did it take so long?

• There really wasn’t a bat on the market that we liked and she performed well with
• $300 is a LOT of money and is not something I’ll spend at the drop of a hat, so this was a well thought out purchase
• The last few years we had to pay big dentist bills for the kids so no one got a new bat!

Now she’s playing on a team where everyone has their own bats.  Well, most players have their own bats.  Because my daughter didn’t have her own bat, she always had to borrow someone else’s.  As a parent, I feel like it was a bit of an imposition for her to borrow other player’s personal bats that their parents had spent hundreds of dollars on.  Plus, if the person who owned the bat she usually borrows didn’t show up on a given practice or game day, that meant she had to ask to borrow someone else’s bat which usually didn’t have the same specs as the bat she usually used.

We finally go to the point where:

• we didn’t really want her to have to borrow all the time
• she was finally hitting pretty decently with a particular bat that she liked
• she was taking care of her grades and other responsibilities at home

So we bit the bullet and dropped about $300 on a bat.  Which one did we get?

As the title to this post and the picture above suggests, we picked up a Louisville Slugger TPS Xeno (-8). Most players here swing the -10, but the -8 actually swings pretty light for that weight and since my daughter is not as big as other players, she needs all the help she can get.

Things I like about this softball bat:

• first and foremost, DD loves it (both my 15yo and my 12yo) – it’s important that players are comfortable with the bat they use.
• second, it’s hot out of the wrapper – this bat doesn’t really need a break in period.
• third, it’s loud – makes your hit sound more impressive which can be a good thing if you’re trying to make a good impression for recruiting purposes. It can also leave an “Oh wow, that was a great hit” impression on the pitcher or defense which could *possibly* work in your favor when it comes to the mental game. In other words, the loud sound *might* provide some intimidation factor for you as a hitter.
• fourth, it looks cool – most male coaches say this doesn’t matter, but most players will tell you that it does (refer to first reason listed above).

Things I don’t care for:

• it cost $300 (lol) but most “good” bats do, so it’s not really a major factor when deciding between this bat and other popular softball bats.
• it’s loud – while that does provide some advantages listed above, it also alerts the defense to the hit. When you hear something like that, as a defender, you’re immediately on your toes and jarred into awareness of a solid hit.
• short life span? Now I haven’t measured or tested this at all. It’s just a perception I have from seeing this bat in action on other teams and with other players. While this bat IS hot out of the wrapper, it doesn’t seem to have as long a pop-life as other bats which make require a longer break-in period. In other words, while it comes to life faster, it also seems to die faster.

I often hear parents ask whether or not they should put they daughter on a more competitive and more successful team.  If that’s what your daughter is ready for and wants to do, generally speaking, it’s a great idea. However, one parent in particular mentioned that the coach of a team they were considering had a long reputation of dropping existing players for latest, hottest new recruits.  This parent had seen it happen.  Girls were dropped from this team after a year or two in favor of bringing on other good players that became available.  I was thinking his daughter was probably one of the “new” ones being brought on in favor of an existing player they wanted to or had already dropped.  Obviously he was worried about that same thing happening to his daughter.

Now it’s one thing to move forward as a program by removing players who are not a good fit and bringing on ones that are a better fit.  In that situation, it’s probably best for all parties involved even though it’s a difficult situation to have to go through on both sides.

However it’s another thing when the coach just likes to “trade up” any chance they get as if players are nothing but commodities.  Personally, it’s not a team environment I’m going to voluntarily sign my daughter up to be in (and pay to be a part of on top of that).  I want her to be surrounded by quality players and coaches.  I’m not going to sign her up for a team that happens to have good players because the coach possesses the skills of a smooth talking but sleezy car salesman and has happened to convince a handful of parents to come join his team.  It’s just not something I’d want to be a part of, nor is it a situation I want to voluntarily put my child in.

Remember, this is youth sports we’re talking about. While softball has definitely become more and more competitive and some of it is very, very serious, there are still limits to which I will go in order for my daughter to “get ahead.”  That’s not something I go after “at all costs” and certainly not at the expense of going against my values and not at the expense of my daughter’s experience with the game.  I prefer not to put her in a situations where she may get the idea that I actually approve of that type of “ambition.”

There are other ways – ways that you can stand behind and say you believe in wholeheartedly.  There are other teams – teams that you are not the least bit ashamed to be associated with.

No coach is perfect. Every coach has their weaknesses, but I can accept that a coach does not know everything.  That’s okay, but I’m not going to choose a coach who “can help my daughter get to college” but does things in a way that conflicts completely with my principles with over one who embodies the integrity with which I want my daughter to play this game with but may not have the same connections and/or college recruiting knowledge.

Remember, it’s not coaches job to get your daughter into college anyway.  Your daughter’s coach is just one tool, one of the many resources along her softball and college recruiting journey.  Ultimately your daughter’s college recruiting process is not her coaches responsibility.  It’s hers and yours.  This is her future.  This is her life.  This is your child’s future.  This is your child’s life.

Don’t wait for someone else to “take care of it” for you. Get informed.  Talk to others that DO have the expertise you need.  Ask questions.  Be proactive in the journey and in your quest to learn what you need to learn to make sure things work out well for your child.

In other words, if there is a great coach out there that may be a little weaker than another in one certain area, there are usually ways to work around that.  That one area, in and of itself, is not a good reason to choose or dismiss a coach and their program.

Remember to look at the big picture…..

• What is most important to you in your daughter’s softball experience and journey?
• What is most important to her?
• What principles, characteristics, or qualities are non-negotiable when it comes to the environment you want your daughter experiencing this game in?
• What areas can you “give” a little on?
• What weaknesses in potential programs can you work around?

Knowing the answers to these questions helps a great deal when choosing a team for your daughter.  Oh, and if you have the chance, talk to parents who already have daughters on the team.  Talk to parent of players who used to be with the team but aren’t any more.  What do they like most?  What don’t they like about the program?  What is the biggest thing, if any, they wish they could change about the program or team?  If they are no longer there, why did they leave?

Hope that helps!

I’m also blessed with the opportunity to bring some of these great softball people here to Hawaii. While living in Hawaii is awesome, it’s also quite expensive for us to travel to the mainland US to attend camps, clinics, or coaching conventions. Any time we can bring someone here to share great resources with more people and with coaches, players or parents who many never get the opportunity to travel and learn, it’s a great thing!

There may not be huge rewards now, but the simple act and experience of being a part of something that helps others is awesome in and of itself. Other opportunities or rewards that come in the future as an indirect or direct result, are just gravy.

I remember back when my oldest daughter was 8, I wanted to make camps and clinics here in Hawaii a more regular event. I wanted to bring clinicians, coaches, and instructors to Hawaii at least on an annual basis so that we could all learn and better the game here. It’s interesting to see how, while I haven’t really consciously gone after it, we’re slowly but surely getting to that point. I hadn’t even realized until now that it has been 7 years since that original thought. It doesn’t even seem that long. I believe the journey will continue and these efforts will eventually grow into something bigger. I’m not exactly sure how, I’m not exactly sure when, but I’m perfectly fine taking it slow and letting the people of Hawaii pull it along rather that push it at them before they’re ready.

I’ve seen too many people go to the mainland for an event, see what’s going on up there and go, “They do this in the mainland, let’s do it here” or “it works in the mainland, let’s do it here.” While it’s a good concept how you carry it out has to fit Hawaii, not the mainland. We’ll get there one day. We’re always a bit behind. Always on Hawaiian time, but that’s okay. The tortoise wins the race!

It’s always amazing when we find instructors and coaches who are in it for the love of the game. They make it work. They make it possible. Making a trip to Hawaii doesn’t work for everyone. I don’t work with and bring down everyone who contacts me with interest in coming here. It takes a special kind of person to ultimately make it work for the good of the softball community here first and anything or anyone else, second.

It’s fun that I’m getting to meet more and more of those people.

Today I go to the airport to pick my daughter up from her first showcase event. She traveled to the Triple Crown City of Lights event at Majestic Park in Nevada. No I didn’t go with her. There were many reasons for that decision and I think it worked out well.

On the first day of games I was happen to hear that…

• she got on base a lot
• she brought in two runs in a bases loaded situation
• she walked a few times
• she didn’t miss any balls on defense
• she was doing a good job managing the money she had for the trip

Overall it sounded like that first day at the tournament went well for her. She did a decent job offensively, didn’t have many opportunities defensively, but did okay there as well from what I could tell and she got to meet Elliott Finkelstein (major event director of Triple Crown Sports).

After talking to her on day one I told my husband that the next day would be a bigger test. Turns out I was right. Day two was tougher for her. They only had two games, but she got to bat 8 times and never got on base. Ouch.

After texting back and forth with her for a while, I found out that most of her hits were ground outs, some pretty well hit. Not a terrible way to get out and it certainly beats pop ups when your in the #2 slot trying to move runners.  Typically runners can advance when you put the ball on the ground and she did move runners a few times.  So her offensive performance was not as awful as it could have been.  I remember Michelle Smith saying, if you’re going to get out (and in our game you get out more than you don’t) you may as well make it a productive out.  It sounds like her outs were at least productive ones some of the time so it wasn’t all bad.  Statistically it definitely wasn’t pretty, but there is more to this game than your batting average.

It also sounds like she did do pretty well on defense that day as well. So while she was quite upset that she had played two games and still had a relatively clean uniform, and while not getting on base all day is not all that great, it didn’t sound like her entire performance was awful.  I reminded her that on some days your contribution to your team will be different than others.  You won’t always be the one getting hits, getting on base, and scoring runs.  It’s great if you do, but if that’s not you that day, make sure you contribute in some other way to help your team and it sounds like she did that, so that’s a good thing.  Sometimes it’s “better” if you don’t do as great as you’d like but your team does well and is successful rather than you doing great but being the only one and your team has a bad day.  Of course, ideally, you and your team have a great day, but that doesn’t always happen.  What we’re trying to avoid is both you and your team having an awful day.  Then that’s just a bad day at the field and does NOT leave a good taste in your mouth at all.

I also reminded her that part of the reason she went to this event was to learn. Now she has an idea of what it’s like to travel and play. It’s not always easy to go on a trip, stay focused, and play well in an environment that’s very different from what you’re used to at home. It’s one thing to have A great day, but almost anyone can have one great day. Good players will find a way to do it again, and again, and again…..not just once. Now she has an idea of how challenging that is. Now she has an idea of what it is she needs to work on and how hard she needs to work to be ready for the next opportunity she has to travel and play.

I reminded her that when she comes back home and practices, it’s not only for “this” weekend’s games and it’s not only for the school season coming up. She has from now until summer to prepare for her next travel opportunity. Each day she practices, each day she trains should be moving her closer to being ready to perform when that day comes as well as prepare her for more immediate competition.

Another reason she went on this trip was to have an opportunity to talk with college coaches. This is something she’ll hopefully be doing even more and more of very soon. Yesterday, she had an opportunity to speak to some of them and “practice” communicating with coaches on her own, without myself or my husband speaking for her. Hopefully that was another good learning experience for her as well.

Now that she’s coming home it’s back to school, catching up on homework, doing chores at home, and training for the future.  Looking forward to talking to her more about the trip when I pick her up this afternoon.

1. keep her grades up (must be all A’s and B’s, preferably more A’s than B’s – this is my requirement)
2. research colleges
3. figure out how to find the coaches/schools that will be there
4. how to get the contact information for those coaches
5. contact college coaches that will be there BEFORE the trip is made
6. fundraising!
7. etc, etc, etc

The first thing she said when looking into the schools that were attending, “Wow this is so much work!”

Me: “That’s why I’m not doing it for you.” lol

The good thing is, she has an idea of a few areas she is interested in studying, so she has that to look for when she researches a particular school.  Does this school even have areas of study I’m actually interested in?  Right now, she doesn’t know much more than:

• she wants to go out of state to go to college (we’ll see if that’s still the case in a few years)
• she has a couple majors she’s interested in (let’s see if that’s still the same in a few years too)
• she wants to play softball
• she knows that we do not have an unlimited college fund set up for her, so she will need to do lots of leg work to make college possible (get good grades, work hard on the field, look for and go after various scholarship opportunities – not just athletic, contact coaches, etc, etc, etc).

Eventually we hope to add knowing what type of campus/classroom setting she’s looking for, what kind of area she wants to be in, what kind of overall college/softball experience she really wants, etc, etc, etc.

I’m sure this will be one far from boring journey.  Wish us luck!

So sad. C’mon people! Grow up.

From the article…

Three people were arrested after police said they fought over an Iowa Games championship softball game Sunday night.

According to Ames Police Cmdr. Jim Robinson, the department’s spokesman, officers were called to North River Valley Park around 6:40 p.m.

Todd Sebolt, 40, Angela Sales, 32, and Stephany Summers, 19, all of Centerville, were charged with disorderly conduct, a simple misdemeanor.

Sebolt coached one of the teams in the tournament, the 12-and-under Centerville Hotshots, according to the Iowa Games website.

Click here to read the full story

Now I have a 14-year-old and an 11-year-old who definitely have their favorite pairs of pants. I’m curious to see how these will stack up.  I know my oldest does NOT like pants that come anywhere near her belly button.  I know these say hip hugging, but I’m not sure their low enough judging by the pictures I’ve seen on their site.

I also notice that these pants don’t have zippers so that you don’t need to worry about them when diving head first.  I do think that’s a plus in that sense, but I also know many teens LIKE the button/zip down pants.  So I really am curious to see if these pants are sometimes my girls, and others, would like.

I asked them to send me a sample so I could do a review of it.  We’ll see what they say.

That’s it. If you don’t go hard, you make it tough to learn from your mistakes and tough to make sure they don’t happen again. Why? Because you’ll never really know if your “failure” happened because you didn’t go hard or because of some other issue.

Lack of effort can mask the real problem that caused the failure. It’s imperative that you go hard in order to properly troubleshoot your problems.

For example, if a player is running bases, doesn’t go hard and gets out, neither the player nor the coach know if they got out simply because they weren’t running hard or if they should have never been running in that situation to begin with.

What about those times you see a player sorta dive after a fly ball? If they don’t go hard for that ball, they’ll never know if that miss was because they shouldn’t have dove for the ball (it was too far away) or if they just missed it because they hesitated. Go hard and you’ll know the answer to that for next time!

How about that pitcher doesn’t throw her changeup “all out” and has it pounded? Tough to tell why it didn’t work. There’s more than one possible reason that pitch didn’t work, but throwing it without being fully committed to the pitch just adds one more possibility! Go hard and you make it easier to figure out what the real problem was in that situation.

If you want a weak “excuse” for your failures, continue to give half baked efforts.  Yes, it can be terrifying to do your absolute best knowing that you might still “fail” but it’s the only way you progress and grow into a better, stronger player or coach!

There were quite a few good responses that included:

• …someone who treats you like their own child.
• …a bigger influence on a player than one might think.
• …Flexible
• The temporary parent of 10-15 girls, with all the same imperfections as a parent and the same ability to influence, sometimes for a season, sometimes for a lifetime.
  …a teacher of many life lessons on and off the softball field.
• …a source from which to learn.
• …a mentor.
• …a role model.
• …someone who does all the above and loves it.
• …a human being who transforms a group of players into a team!
• …(in fastpitch) a person who teaches girls how to play, competitively.
• …a person who teaches, supports, and builds young people into adults who understand that sometimes things/situations/skills are often difficult but have the confidence to persevere, win or lose.
• …all the above but in Rec. ball and Travel a VOLUNTEER!!!!! who does the best they can and makes mistakes too…

It’s always fun to hear what others think and those are all great answers from people who obviously involved for the love of the game!

I have a few more thoughts to share with you including 5 things coaching softball means to me plus my ending to that sentence:

1. Coaching softball means putting the best interests of your players/team ahead of your own.
2. Coaching softball means making each decision based upon what you honestly believe is best for the team, not only for today, but for long term as well.
3. Coaching softball means understanding that the easy way out now rarely takes you closer to where you ultimately want to be down the road.
4. Coaching softball means being able to stand up for what you believe in both when no one will know and under the highest scrutiny.
5. But most of all, coaching softball means selflessly serving others while guiding them toward success and helping them reach their biggest goals and dreams.

So for me, A coach is…

…someone who selflessly serves others while guiding them toward success and helping them achieve their goals.

What do you think? What does coaching softball mean to you?

You can’t please everyone and it’s a big mistake to try!

With a team of 10+ girls and their parents, there is no way everyone will be happy with you all the time.  It’s like an unspoken “rule” of softball coaching, someone has to be mad or at least slightly unhappy with something you do at all times.

Let’s face it, you’re not perfect. No one is.  You cannot and will not make every perfect decision every time.  On top of that, even if you did, there would still be someone who isn’t happy.  There would still be someone you have to choose over another.  There would still be someone who your decisions benefits more or less than someone else on the team.  That’s the nature of team sports.

In youth sports, where there’s parents involved, it’s even more complicated.  See, whether you like it or not and whether they like it or not, parents typically have their own thoughts and feelings that are affected by what you do.  It’s impossible to please everyone!

Trying to do so is a big, but common mistake softball coaches make.

Remember what your purpose is.  What is it that you are trying to accomplish with this team?  What main goals do you want your players and your team to reach?  What is your long term vision for the season and possibly beyond?  Having a long term view of where you’re headed will help you stay on the track trying to please everyone can easily derail you from.

Your failure, the adversity you face, the mistakes you make don’t mean you aren’t worthy or you aren’t good enough. Keep pushing forward.

Happy Ending for Softball Team That Had Their Equipment Stolen
What a challenge for young softball players to face while traveling. Glad they caught the scum bag. Interesting to see how the coaches were able to use this situation as a teachable moment for the players.

Kelsey Bruder Named Nations Top Softball Player
Do you think she was the best choice? It’s a great honor either way. Congratulations to UF’s Kelsey Bruder on this award!

Patrick Murphy Goes Back to Alabama
After surprising me with a move to LSU last week, Murphy stuns many even more with his return to Alabama.

It’s chocolate milk! Yum

My kids and I don’t care a whole lot for regular milk, but we can drink lots of chocolate milk.

Someone recently commented at SoftballPerformance.com asking if chocolate milk was really a good after exercise drink. Since then I found out that Canada’s milk industry has utilized the opportunity to promote chocolate milk to athletes on the same level that Gatorade promotes their products to athletes.

Then I came across The Trophy Mom, she’s a sports mom turned blogger. She had me at “sports mom” then she also retweeted me on twitter, so I knew she was a sharp lady.

Anyway, she had an article on her blog about this same topic. She talked about how chocolate milk “has an optimal carbohydrate to protein ratio, essential to restoring muscles and energy, and a bunch of other good stuff like Vitamin D that helps athletic performance and growing kids.”

Whaddya know? So maybe I did know what I was doing in high school. lol  Our school had those soda fountain type drink dispensers. There was no soda, but there was fruit juice, milk, and chocolate milk. Every day at lunch I’d have two glasses of ice cold chocolate milk!  Delicious.

Well, after finding out that chocolate milk may actually be good for athletes, I had to dig a little more and found this CBS News article from 2006 (I know I’m a little behind but stick with me) which says…

A new study shows that plain old chocolate milk may be as good — or better — than sports drinks like Gatorade at helping athletes recover from strenuous exercise.

That’s cool, but obviously I wanted to find something a little more up to date, so I found an article posted just this month at bmedreport.com which states

Grabbing lowfat chocolate milk after a tough workout helped give both trained and amateur athletes a post-exercise training advantage, according to three new studies presented at the American College of Sports Medicine and published in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research this month.

Is that cool or what? These people are in the business of finding and understanding what’s good for athletes and even they say low fat chocolate milk (I usually drink 1%) gives athletes a post-exercise training advantage. What athlete doesn’t want an advantage?  This one you can gain without cheating. Just pick up some low fat chocolate milk next time you’re at the grocery store.  I know I will.

photo credit: chocolate milk

First of all, I can see mentioning not getting some calls, but nothing more.  Anything above and beyond that means that you’re not focused on the most important thing…YOU.  Only can’t rely on umpires to make your bid for the championship work out.  You CAN look at what you did (or failed to do) and what you can do differently next time to increase your chance of success.

Second, how much of an impact can umpires have in a 14-4 loss?  I don’t like to blame umpires for games, but my daughter was in some pretty bad ones this weekend.  Still, in a game they lost just 2-1, there were a LOT of things they could have done better to make sure it didn’t come down to umpire calls.

Moving on…

Now we all know, Florida can hit.  I’m looking for a better showing from them today.

Dallas Escobedo, however, is quite an effective pitcher.  She’s already pitched successfully for the Junior National Team.  She’s doing an excellent job as a freshman at ASU.  I never saw her pitch before last night.  I was actually quite surprised.  She stays pretty closed through her pitching motion.  It’s amazing how hard and effectively she throws like that.  That’s a situation where, although mechanics may not be ideal, you don’t go in and mess with it!  You just take what she has and what she does and help her accentuate her strengths while minimizing any weaknesses she may have.

I’m looking forward to seeing tonight’s game and I’m hoping this series goes to a Game 3!

How about you?  Who are your rooting for?  Do you think Florida can recover?

photo credit: Gary Leland, Fastpitch.tv

Softball players don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care.  Many, many, many, many wise coaches have said this before me.  It’s sooooo true.  You have to get to know them. You have to genuinely be there to help them because you care about them.  You have to actually give a da**.

Now it doesn’t have to be all hugs and kisses like the picture shown here.  Even the toughest coaches out there can be respected and even liked by their players as long as the players know that the coach honestly cares about them and it doing his/her best to help them become the best they can be.

It’s not about how hard or “soft” you are as a coach that matters.  It’s where your heart is that makes a bigger impact on players.  If you want to have the biggest influence possible, it doesn’t matter how much you know until players believe you are truly there for them.

They may be younger than you, but judging from my own experience, players are not stupid.  They know when a coach is more concerned with his or her own reputation above all else.  They know when a coach really doesn’t care about what happens but is just there to fill a spot because no one else would.  They know when a coach does NOT have the players best interest at heart.

As people, we all have BS meters. That’s why we don’t trust many of the salesmen we meet, but when we come across one we trust and like, that salesman just picked up a customer for life!  Guess what?  Players have BS meters too, but when they meet a coach that passes their BS test with flying colors, most times it’s the beginning of a lifelong respect for that coach.

And what possesses coaches to allow that?

That is coach/team space, not parent space.  Seeing a bucket brigade of about 6-8 over-the-top dads sitting there being loud and close to obnoxious all game long is just not cool in my opinion.

I completely and totally back parents who passionately support their team in a positive, although intense, way that maintains respect for the game, the opposing team, and the umpires.  I really can’t see allowing parents to be borderline obnoxious and borderline disrespectful in such and up close and in-your-face way.  I’ve even seen this type of fan behavior in pre-season tournaments too!  Really people, the outcomes of those games really don’t mean that much.  Then again, I don’t think there’s any situation in which I’d agree with that type of parental “involvement.”

It’s like, since the can’t play, they are going to do as much as they possibly can to be a part of the game from the outside through the use of their voice.  It’s like they want to help defeat the other team with a game-long, very vocal barrage of “support” for their team.  Not cool.  That’s not your job as a softball parent.  Let the GIRLS play! It’s not your turn to take part and “play” youth sports.  Your time has passed.

One time I actually thought the row of guys sitting there yelling to the players were all helping with the team as assistant coaches.  Since they all had team related shirts on I really couldn’t tell which ones were coaches and which ones were parents.  There was no separation between team and spectators.  After the game ended they all got up (about 7 of ‘em) picked up their buckets and walked over to their wives and/or families who sat in the stands and watched the game like the rest of the normal people.  The real coaches (only 3) stayed with the team to shake hands with the opponents after the game.

It just boggles my mind and rubs me the wrong way when parents or adults act like this.  I just don’t get that kind of behavior from grown ups.  Then we wonder why some players lack respect and class.

Most people agree that confidence plays a big part in softball performance.  Did you ever stop to think that self doubt or feelings of insecurity in other areas of life can spill over into softball?  It’s possible, but it’s tough to carry yourself with confidence on the field when you feel bad about yourself in other areas.

If you want to dramatically improve your softball performance, make sure you are making “deposits of success” in other areas of your life such as:

• relationships
• family
• leisure
• school/work
• faith
• personal development (including health/fitness)
• etc

If you are failing miserably in any of these areas, it WILL affect your softball performance.  Drama at home or with loved ones makes performing well on the field more of a challenge.  Eating poorly or participating in other bad health/nutrition habits also makes it tough to perform your best.  If you’re stressed out about a major problem at school or work, it very likely your softball performance will be less than optimal.

As much as we’d like to have softball be a separate, almost “sacred,” part of our lives untouched by anything else, the fact of the matter is, it’s not completely separate.  It’s part of your life and of you as a whole.  Take care of your “whole” self and your likely to do much better on the softball field!

A happy, relaxed, stress-free, confident YOU makes for a better overall softball player (or coach)!