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Adults trying to verbally bully kids from the bleachers is NOT cool.

Let the kids play!  Your presence should enhance their experience, not destroy it.

That is all.

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You ever see those players who just jump to the front of the line no matter what drill? The ones that don’t care if the drill is fun or boring, difficult or easy, well known or unfamiliar, it doesn’t matter, they just want to get in there and do it!

I think most coaches love those kinds of players. Those players, I would say, are motivated and driven.

Then there are the others. The ones who want to claim the privilege of going first because they are older or because they’ve been on the team longer or because they are somehow better than everyone else (i.e. it’s a sprinting game and they are one of the fastest ones on the team).

Now, even that’s not all that terrible if they naturally step into more of a leadership role because they’re older, more experienced, or more skilled.

But the ones that drive me bonkers are the ones that want to claim that role and clamin that privilege of getting the first shot, but only when they feel like it. The rest of the time – if the drill isn’t fun, or if it’s too challenging, or if it’s tiring, or if it’s uncomfortable because they aren’t used to it…any time it’s not convenient for them or when it’s tougher or less exciting, they want to go hide out at the back of the line and let everyone else take on the challenge first.

Lose money…

You want to step up and tell others they need to follow you? Do it all the time, not only when you feel like it or when it’s easy.

Why did it take so long?

• There really wasn’t a bat on the market that we liked and she performed well with
• $300 is a LOT of money and is not something I’ll spend at the drop of a hat, so this was a well thought out purchase
• The last few years we had to pay big dentist bills for the kids so no one got a new bat!

Now she’s playing on a team where everyone has their own bats.  Well, most players have their own bats.  Because my daughter didn’t have her own bat, she always had to borrow someone else’s.  As a parent, I feel like it was a bit of an imposition for her to borrow other player’s personal bats that their parents had spent hundreds of dollars on.  Plus, if the person who owned the bat she usually borrows didn’t show up on a given practice or game day, that meant she had to ask to borrow someone else’s bat which usually didn’t have the same specs as the bat she usually used.

We finally go to the point where:

• we didn’t really want her to have to borrow all the time
• she was finally hitting pretty decently with a particular bat that she liked
• she was taking care of her grades and other responsibilities at home

So we bit the bullet and dropped about $300 on a bat.  Which one did we get?

As the title to this post and the picture above suggests, we picked up a Louisville Slugger TPS Xeno (-8). Most players here swing the -10, but the -8 actually swings pretty light for that weight and since my daughter is not as big as other players, she needs all the help she can get.

Things I like about this softball bat:

• first and foremost, DD loves it (both my 15yo and my 12yo) – it’s important that players are comfortable with the bat they use.
• second, it’s hot out of the wrapper – this bat doesn’t really need a break in period.
• third, it’s loud – makes your hit sound more impressive which can be a good thing if you’re trying to make a good impression for recruiting purposes. It can also leave an “Oh wow, that was a great hit” impression on the pitcher or defense which could *possibly* work in your favor when it comes to the mental game. In other words, the loud sound *might* provide some intimidation factor for you as a hitter.
• fourth, it looks cool – most male coaches say this doesn’t matter, but most players will tell you that it does (refer to first reason listed above).

Things I don’t care for:

• it cost $300 (lol) but most “good” bats do, so it’s not really a major factor when deciding between this bat and other popular softball bats.
• it’s loud – while that does provide some advantages listed above, it also alerts the defense to the hit. When you hear something like that, as a defender, you’re immediately on your toes and jarred into awareness of a solid hit.
• short life span? Now I haven’t measured or tested this at all. It’s just a perception I have from seeing this bat in action on other teams and with other players. While this bat IS hot out of the wrapper, it doesn’t seem to have as long a pop-life as other bats which make require a longer break-in period. In other words, while it comes to life faster, it also seems to die faster.

I often hear parents ask whether or not they should put they daughter on a more competitive and more successful team.  If that’s what your daughter is ready for and wants to do, generally speaking, it’s a great idea. However, one parent in particular mentioned that the coach of a team they were considering had a long reputation of dropping existing players for latest, hottest new recruits.  This parent had seen it happen.  Girls were dropped from this team after a year or two in favor of bringing on other good players that became available.  I was thinking his daughter was probably one of the “new” ones being brought on in favor of an existing player they wanted to or had already dropped.  Obviously he was worried about that same thing happening to his daughter.

Now it’s one thing to move forward as a program by removing players who are not a good fit and bringing on ones that are a better fit.  In that situation, it’s probably best for all parties involved even though it’s a difficult situation to have to go through on both sides.

However it’s another thing when the coach just likes to “trade up” any chance they get as if players are nothing but commodities.  Personally, it’s not a team environment I’m going to voluntarily sign my daughter up to be in (and pay to be a part of on top of that).  I want her to be surrounded by quality players and coaches.  I’m not going to sign her up for a team that happens to have good players because the coach possesses the skills of a smooth talking but sleezy car salesman and has happened to convince a handful of parents to come join his team.  It’s just not something I’d want to be a part of, nor is it a situation I want to voluntarily put my child in.

Remember, this is youth sports we’re talking about. While softball has definitely become more and more competitive and some of it is very, very serious, there are still limits to which I will go in order for my daughter to “get ahead.”  That’s not something I go after “at all costs” and certainly not at the expense of going against my values and not at the expense of my daughter’s experience with the game.  I prefer not to put her in a situations where she may get the idea that I actually approve of that type of “ambition.”

There are other ways – ways that you can stand behind and say you believe in wholeheartedly.  There are other teams – teams that you are not the least bit ashamed to be associated with.

No coach is perfect. Every coach has their weaknesses, but I can accept that a coach does not know everything.  That’s okay, but I’m not going to choose a coach who “can help my daughter get to college” but does things in a way that conflicts completely with my principles with over one who embodies the integrity with which I want my daughter to play this game with but may not have the same connections and/or college recruiting knowledge.

Remember, it’s not coaches job to get your daughter into college anyway.  Your daughter’s coach is just one tool, one of the many resources along her softball and college recruiting journey.  Ultimately your daughter’s college recruiting process is not her coaches responsibility.  It’s hers and yours.  This is her future.  This is her life.  This is your child’s future.  This is your child’s life.

Don’t wait for someone else to “take care of it” for you. Get informed.  Talk to others that DO have the expertise you need.  Ask questions.  Be proactive in the journey and in your quest to learn what you need to learn to make sure things work out well for your child.

In other words, if there is a great coach out there that may be a little weaker than another in one certain area, there are usually ways to work around that.  That one area, in and of itself, is not a good reason to choose or dismiss a coach and their program.

Remember to look at the big picture…..

• What is most important to you in your daughter’s softball experience and journey?
• What is most important to her?
• What principles, characteristics, or qualities are non-negotiable when it comes to the environment you want your daughter experiencing this game in?
• What areas can you “give” a little on?
• What weaknesses in potential programs can you work around?

Knowing the answers to these questions helps a great deal when choosing a team for your daughter.  Oh, and if you have the chance, talk to parents who already have daughters on the team.  Talk to parent of players who used to be with the team but aren’t any more.  What do they like most?  What don’t they like about the program?  What is the biggest thing, if any, they wish they could change about the program or team?  If they are no longer there, why did they leave?

Hope that helps!

I’m also blessed with the opportunity to bring some of these great softball people here to Hawaii. While living in Hawaii is awesome, it’s also quite expensive for us to travel to the mainland US to attend camps, clinics, or coaching conventions. Any time we can bring someone here to share great resources with more people and with coaches, players or parents who many never get the opportunity to travel and learn, it’s a great thing!

There may not be huge rewards now, but the simple act and experience of being a part of something that helps others is awesome in and of itself. Other opportunities or rewards that come in the future as an indirect or direct result, are just gravy.

I remember back when my oldest daughter was 8, I wanted to make camps and clinics here in Hawaii a more regular event. I wanted to bring clinicians, coaches, and instructors to Hawaii at least on an annual basis so that we could all learn and better the game here. It’s interesting to see how, while I haven’t really consciously gone after it, we’re slowly but surely getting to that point. I hadn’t even realized until now that it has been 7 years since that original thought. It doesn’t even seem that long. I believe the journey will continue and these efforts will eventually grow into something bigger. I’m not exactly sure how, I’m not exactly sure when, but I’m perfectly fine taking it slow and letting the people of Hawaii pull it along rather that push it at them before they’re ready.

I’ve seen too many people go to the mainland for an event, see what’s going on up there and go, “They do this in the mainland, let’s do it here” or “it works in the mainland, let’s do it here.” While it’s a good concept how you carry it out has to fit Hawaii, not the mainland. We’ll get there one day. We’re always a bit behind. Always on Hawaiian time, but that’s okay. The tortoise wins the race!

It’s always amazing when we find instructors and coaches who are in it for the love of the game. They make it work. They make it possible. Making a trip to Hawaii doesn’t work for everyone. I don’t work with and bring down everyone who contacts me with interest in coming here. It takes a special kind of person to ultimately make it work for the good of the softball community here first and anything or anyone else, second.

It’s fun that I’m getting to meet more and more of those people.

Today I go to the airport to pick my daughter up from her first showcase event. She traveled to the Triple Crown City of Lights event at Majestic Park in Nevada. No I didn’t go with her. There were many reasons for that decision and I think it worked out well.

On the first day of games I was happen to hear that…

• she got on base a lot
• she brought in two runs in a bases loaded situation
• she walked a few times
• she didn’t miss any balls on defense
• she was doing a good job managing the money she had for the trip

Overall it sounded like that first day at the tournament went well for her. She did a decent job offensively, didn’t have many opportunities defensively, but did okay there as well from what I could tell and she got to meet Elliott Finkelstein (major event director of Triple Crown Sports).

After talking to her on day one I told my husband that the next day would be a bigger test. Turns out I was right. Day two was tougher for her. They only had two games, but she got to bat 8 times and never got on base. Ouch.

After texting back and forth with her for a while, I found out that most of her hits were ground outs, some pretty well hit. Not a terrible way to get out and it certainly beats pop ups when your in the #2 slot trying to move runners.  Typically runners can advance when you put the ball on the ground and she did move runners a few times.  So her offensive performance was not as awful as it could have been.  I remember Michelle Smith saying, if you’re going to get out (and in our game you get out more than you don’t) you may as well make it a productive out.  It sounds like her outs were at least productive ones some of the time so it wasn’t all bad.  Statistically it definitely wasn’t pretty, but there is more to this game than your batting average.

It also sounds like she did do pretty well on defense that day as well. So while she was quite upset that she had played two games and still had a relatively clean uniform, and while not getting on base all day is not all that great, it didn’t sound like her entire performance was awful.  I reminded her that on some days your contribution to your team will be different than others.  You won’t always be the one getting hits, getting on base, and scoring runs.  It’s great if you do, but if that’s not you that day, make sure you contribute in some other way to help your team and it sounds like she did that, so that’s a good thing.  Sometimes it’s “better” if you don’t do as great as you’d like but your team does well and is successful rather than you doing great but being the only one and your team has a bad day.  Of course, ideally, you and your team have a great day, but that doesn’t always happen.  What we’re trying to avoid is both you and your team having an awful day.  Then that’s just a bad day at the field and does NOT leave a good taste in your mouth at all.

I also reminded her that part of the reason she went to this event was to learn. Now she has an idea of what it’s like to travel and play. It’s not always easy to go on a trip, stay focused, and play well in an environment that’s very different from what you’re used to at home. It’s one thing to have A great day, but almost anyone can have one great day. Good players will find a way to do it again, and again, and again…..not just once. Now she has an idea of how challenging that is. Now she has an idea of what it is she needs to work on and how hard she needs to work to be ready for the next opportunity she has to travel and play.

I reminded her that when she comes back home and practices, it’s not only for “this” weekend’s games and it’s not only for the school season coming up. She has from now until summer to prepare for her next travel opportunity. Each day she practices, each day she trains should be moving her closer to being ready to perform when that day comes as well as prepare her for more immediate competition.

Another reason she went on this trip was to have an opportunity to talk with college coaches. This is something she’ll hopefully be doing even more and more of very soon. Yesterday, she had an opportunity to speak to some of them and “practice” communicating with coaches on her own, without myself or my husband speaking for her. Hopefully that was another good learning experience for her as well.

Now that she’s coming home it’s back to school, catching up on homework, doing chores at home, and training for the future.  Looking forward to talking to her more about the trip when I pick her up this afternoon.

1. keep her grades up (must be all A’s and B’s, preferably more A’s than B’s – this is my requirement)
2. research colleges
3. figure out how to find the coaches/schools that will be there
4. how to get the contact information for those coaches
5. contact college coaches that will be there BEFORE the trip is made
6. fundraising!
7. etc, etc, etc

The first thing she said when looking into the schools that were attending, “Wow this is so much work!”

Me: “That’s why I’m not doing it for you.” lol

The good thing is, she has an idea of a few areas she is interested in studying, so she has that to look for when she researches a particular school.  Does this school even have areas of study I’m actually interested in?  Right now, she doesn’t know much more than:

• she wants to go out of state to go to college (we’ll see if that’s still the case in a few years)
• she has a couple majors she’s interested in (let’s see if that’s still the same in a few years too)
• she wants to play softball
• she knows that we do not have an unlimited college fund set up for her, so she will need to do lots of leg work to make college possible (get good grades, work hard on the field, look for and go after various scholarship opportunities – not just athletic, contact coaches, etc, etc, etc).

Eventually we hope to add knowing what type of campus/classroom setting she’s looking for, what kind of area she wants to be in, what kind of overall college/softball experience she really wants, etc, etc, etc.

I’m sure this will be one far from boring journey.  Wish us luck!

PLUS, I just picked up 4 Brand New DeMarini Bustos Bats courtesy of SportStan to be included in prizes for the clinic raffle (nice and shiny and still in the wrapper!).

If you are just finding out about this clinic and want to attend, please print out this registration form and bring it with you to the clinic!  Hope to see you there.

Bats up for raffle (click to enlarge)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RskGVeKjxpo

So sad. C’mon people! Grow up.

From the article…

Three people were arrested after police said they fought over an Iowa Games championship softball game Sunday night.

According to Ames Police Cmdr. Jim Robinson, the department’s spokesman, officers were called to North River Valley Park around 6:40 p.m.

Todd Sebolt, 40, Angela Sales, 32, and Stephany Summers, 19, all of Centerville, were charged with disorderly conduct, a simple misdemeanor.

Sebolt coached one of the teams in the tournament, the 12-and-under Centerville Hotshots, according to the Iowa Games website.

Click here to read the full story

Now I have a 14-year-old and an 11-year-old who definitely have their favorite pairs of pants. I’m curious to see how these will stack up.  I know my oldest does NOT like pants that come anywhere near her belly button.  I know these say hip hugging, but I’m not sure their low enough judging by the pictures I’ve seen on their site.

I also notice that these pants don’t have zippers so that you don’t need to worry about them when diving head first.  I do think that’s a plus in that sense, but I also know many teens LIKE the button/zip down pants.  So I really am curious to see if these pants are sometimes my girls, and others, would like.

I asked them to send me a sample so I could do a review of it.  We’ll see what they say.

That’s it. If you don’t go hard, you make it tough to learn from your mistakes and tough to make sure they don’t happen again. Why? Because you’ll never really know if your “failure” happened because you didn’t go hard or because of some other issue.

Lack of effort can mask the real problem that caused the failure. It’s imperative that you go hard in order to properly troubleshoot your problems.

For example, if a player is running bases, doesn’t go hard and gets out, neither the player nor the coach know if they got out simply because they weren’t running hard or if they should have never been running in that situation to begin with.

What about those times you see a player sorta dive after a fly ball? If they don’t go hard for that ball, they’ll never know if that miss was because they shouldn’t have dove for the ball (it was too far away) or if they just missed it because they hesitated. Go hard and you’ll know the answer to that for next time!

How about that pitcher doesn’t throw her changeup “all out” and has it pounded? Tough to tell why it didn’t work. There’s more than one possible reason that pitch didn’t work, but throwing it without being fully committed to the pitch just adds one more possibility! Go hard and you make it easier to figure out what the real problem was in that situation.

If you want a weak “excuse” for your failures, continue to give half baked efforts.  Yes, it can be terrifying to do your absolute best knowing that you might still “fail” but it’s the only way you progress and grow into a better, stronger player or coach!

You can’t please everyone and it’s a big mistake to try!

With a team of 10+ girls and their parents, there is no way everyone will be happy with you all the time.  It’s like an unspoken “rule” of softball coaching, someone has to be mad or at least slightly unhappy with something you do at all times.

Let’s face it, you’re not perfect. No one is.  You cannot and will not make every perfect decision every time.  On top of that, even if you did, there would still be someone who isn’t happy.  There would still be someone you have to choose over another.  There would still be someone who your decisions benefits more or less than someone else on the team.  That’s the nature of team sports.

In youth sports, where there’s parents involved, it’s even more complicated.  See, whether you like it or not and whether they like it or not, parents typically have their own thoughts and feelings that are affected by what you do.  It’s impossible to please everyone!

Trying to do so is a big, but common mistake softball coaches make.

Remember what your purpose is.  What is it that you are trying to accomplish with this team?  What main goals do you want your players and your team to reach?  What is your long term vision for the season and possibly beyond?  Having a long term view of where you’re headed will help you stay on the track trying to please everyone can easily derail you from.

It’s chocolate milk! Yum

My kids and I don’t care a whole lot for regular milk, but we can drink lots of chocolate milk.

Someone recently commented at SoftballPerformance.com asking if chocolate milk was really a good after exercise drink. Since then I found out that Canada’s milk industry has utilized the opportunity to promote chocolate milk to athletes on the same level that Gatorade promotes their products to athletes.

Then I came across The Trophy Mom, she’s a sports mom turned blogger. She had me at “sports mom” then she also retweeted me on twitter, so I knew she was a sharp lady.

Anyway, she had an article on her blog about this same topic. She talked about how chocolate milk “has an optimal carbohydrate to protein ratio, essential to restoring muscles and energy, and a bunch of other good stuff like Vitamin D that helps athletic performance and growing kids.”

Whaddya know? So maybe I did know what I was doing in high school. lol  Our school had those soda fountain type drink dispensers. There was no soda, but there was fruit juice, milk, and chocolate milk. Every day at lunch I’d have two glasses of ice cold chocolate milk!  Delicious.

Well, after finding out that chocolate milk may actually be good for athletes, I had to dig a little more and found this CBS News article from 2006 (I know I’m a little behind but stick with me) which says…

A new study shows that plain old chocolate milk may be as good — or better — than sports drinks like Gatorade at helping athletes recover from strenuous exercise.

That’s cool, but obviously I wanted to find something a little more up to date, so I found an article posted just this month at bmedreport.com which states

Grabbing lowfat chocolate milk after a tough workout helped give both trained and amateur athletes a post-exercise training advantage, according to three new studies presented at the American College of Sports Medicine and published in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research this month.

Is that cool or what? These people are in the business of finding and understanding what’s good for athletes and even they say low fat chocolate milk (I usually drink 1%) gives athletes a post-exercise training advantage. What athlete doesn’t want an advantage?  This one you can gain without cheating. Just pick up some low fat chocolate milk next time you’re at the grocery store.  I know I will.

photo credit: chocolate milk

And what possesses coaches to allow that?

That is coach/team space, not parent space.  Seeing a bucket brigade of about 6-8 over-the-top dads sitting there being loud and close to obnoxious all game long is just not cool in my opinion.

I completely and totally back parents who passionately support their team in a positive, although intense, way that maintains respect for the game, the opposing team, and the umpires.  I really can’t see allowing parents to be borderline obnoxious and borderline disrespectful in such and up close and in-your-face way.  I’ve even seen this type of fan behavior in pre-season tournaments too!  Really people, the outcomes of those games really don’t mean that much.  Then again, I don’t think there’s any situation in which I’d agree with that type of parental “involvement.”

It’s like, since the can’t play, they are going to do as much as they possibly can to be a part of the game from the outside through the use of their voice.  It’s like they want to help defeat the other team with a game-long, very vocal barrage of “support” for their team.  Not cool.  That’s not your job as a softball parent.  Let the GIRLS play! It’s not your turn to take part and “play” youth sports.  Your time has passed.

One time I actually thought the row of guys sitting there yelling to the players were all helping with the team as assistant coaches.  Since they all had team related shirts on I really couldn’t tell which ones were coaches and which ones were parents.  There was no separation between team and spectators.  After the game ended they all got up (about 7 of ‘em) picked up their buckets and walked over to their wives and/or families who sat in the stands and watched the game like the rest of the normal people.  The real coaches (only 3) stayed with the team to shake hands with the opponents after the game.

It just boggles my mind and rubs me the wrong way when parents or adults act like this.  I just don’t get that kind of behavior from grown ups.  Then we wonder why some players lack respect and class.

This video is especially great if you’re teaching players how to properly catch a ball.  There may be a few things in here you never really thought of.  It all makes great sense though!

Take a look and see if there is something you can learn about this simple and basic softball skill.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs8TYmpgGys

No matter how many people disagree, I will continue to say that having your elbow up before you start your swing simply isn’t necessary in order to hit the ball well. It is not an “absolute” of hitting and is basically just a personal preference for the hitter.

Here’s a screen shot of Crystl Bustos, arguably one of the best hitters in the game, from Ontario Fastpitch – her elbow is clearly not “up.”

See the full softball batting clip here.