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Questioning the competition mentality

by Stacie ~ September 5th, 2016.
Filed under: Stacie's Thoughts | No Comments » |

Before I share my thoughts, let me just say that I LOVE competition and competing. It’s fun and energizing for me. So I honestly don’t think that “competition” in and of itself is a bad thing. Not at all.

I’ve had many parents of young children ask about the “harms” of competition and is it a bad thing or is it really necessary? I don’t think it’s bad or “necessary,” but it sure is fun when you have a quality mindset about it.

How you view competition and how you move through it and perceive things because of it, can be more positive or more negative based upon your perspective and how you choose to respond to what happens.

That said, here are some thoughts I’ve been pondering …

Is it really so important for us to teach kids that there are “winners” and “losers?” Or to promote the idea that someone has to win and someone has to lose.

Because, what I’m finding out about life is, I’m not really in competition with anyone else. Just because I have a husband and a house and a family and a business, doesn’t mean you can’t too.

We can BOTH win.

We can both have beautiful and wonderful, “successful” lives.

One of us doesn’t have to “win” while the other “loses.”

Even in business, a while back when I started All About Fastpitch, one thing I heard all the time from people was that there were 3 websites they visited often: Marc Dagenais’ Softball Performance, Cindy Bristow’s Softball Excellence, and All About Fastpitch. Even though we’re all online and all in the fastpitch softball space, we really aren’t competing “against” one another. Each of us has something unique as special to offer that the others don’t. People didn’t STOP visiting the other sites because they visiting mine, nor vice versa. Most people were making use of all 3 because all 3 filled a different need or want for them.

A decade later, Marc, Cindy, and I are ALL still online serving the fastpitch softball community AND many more have joined us over the past 5 years or so!

In essence, are all “winning!”

None of us had to “lose” because the others existed or did well.

So, is it really necessary to move our kids so far away from the “everyone is a winner” or “everyone can be a winner” mentality?

Is it even helpful to teach them then someone has to win and someone has to lose?

Or are we setting them up for feelings of failure or frustration or depression when they see that other people have something and they don’t have?

Will they always look at the world through the lens of “competition” and assume that, because they haven’t “gotten there” yet, and someone else has, that that person must be the winner and they must be the “loser?” If someone else has the car, the job, the house, the spouse, the family that they haven’t yet found, that that person is a winner and, by default, they are a loser?

Do we really help our children by perpetuating that competition/comparison/winner/loser perspective?

… more on this later …


questioning competition mentality

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You don’t have to “Let Them Fail”

by Stacie ~ August 22nd, 2016.
Filed under: Sports Parenting, Stacie's Thoughts | No Comments » |

“Let them fail. Let them figure it out.”

Why? Why would we want to do that?

I absolutely AGREE that failure is often an essential step in any journey. I AGREE that learning how to best navigate failures and mistakes is absolutely critical to success in softball and in life.

BECAUSE it’s so important, why would we just let our kids figure it out? Why would we leave it to chance and they hope and pray that they “get it” one day? Why would we NOT mentor and guide them and work with them so they best learn how to effectively do it? We didn’t let them “just figure out” how to brush their teeth, but we’re going to let them figure how to deal with failure on their own?

I have so much to say about this I created a short audio about it because it was much easier than writing it all out.
Click here or press the play button below to listen.

You may not completely agree and that’s okay. You may feel a lot of resistance to the concepts shared here. Don’t push it away just yet. Just sit with it. It’s okay if we disagree, but I hope to get you thinking and maybe expand your mind just a bit so that you can be better for your kids and those you lead.

Have a listen and leave a comment with what feelings or thoughts came up for you in the process …

you don't have to just let them fail

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What parents of high performing athletes know

by Stacie ~ August 8th, 2016.
Filed under: Sports Parenting | No Comments » |

I can’t tell you how often I meet parents who are at a total loss when it comes to “getting” their kids to do something. It’s one of the most frequently asked questions I get as a sports mom, “How do you get your kids to … I can’t seem to get mine to …”

In just about every case, the stress of the situations can be alleviated by simply changing the way you look at things. The wonderful thing about that is, you have completely control over how you choose to think about things!

When you reach the point of frustration and being at a loss about how to get your child to change, read this.

The truth is, you can’t change your child. The GREAT news is, you don’t need to!

Here’s why …

sports parenting tips

excerpt from Changing the Game

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Take your cleats to the street